6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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