that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We talked him into tasing himself.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
