Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
