"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
