I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize