Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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