Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
