it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
