I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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