he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
