you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
