he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
