and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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