Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
