The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
