You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
