you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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