I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
