Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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