bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm jealous of your bromance
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
