my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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