I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
