i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Is it penis luge time yet?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
