Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize