Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
