The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
