if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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