watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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