True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
