Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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