I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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