We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I checked into jail on foursquare
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
