i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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