Can Purell be used as lube?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
