he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
