I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
