We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
