I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
