There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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