i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
