hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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