I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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