Me too!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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