Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
