Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i think my mom watched the whole time
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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