WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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