Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
