Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
