Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
