Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
