I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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