eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
