I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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