I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i think i have two assholes
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
