Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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