I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
