Screwed.edu
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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