this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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