I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
