It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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