i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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