My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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