he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
