after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
