dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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