so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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