did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
