I just made out with a guy for $7.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
BRING THE BAGELS
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
