Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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