I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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