There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
sex in a hospital.. check
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
