woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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