every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
