Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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