i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So squirting runs in the family.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
