This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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